But all of a sudden, there he is. But I just didn’t see it! How could this person that you love so much be abusing you? I tried to compile all of my logical thoughts into one place as best as I could, so that way I have something to reference when I start doubting myself emotionally. Those with BPD never developed these emotional coping skills. I'm confused because I know bunch of people who hook up without ever catching feelings but it's because they don't do anything next to that. You’ve just suffered a traumatic life experience and it needs to be taken seriously. For the first time in a long time, you’re free. Their inconsistent behavior creates a silent uncertainty in the partner's mind, causing the partner to stay put and try harder to make things work, and that is exactly what toxic men rely on. We would text and call each other everyday, sometimes many times a day. That’s up to you to decide. Often times they won't work either. Be loving, but firm, in the way you present your decision. The difference between an ex who used the breakup as a large red reset button to focus on their own well-being, and the ex who attempts to juggle with loss and wavering self-esteem at your expense is the way in which they attempt to communicate with you. The time and effort you put into helping others is truly appreciated. But don't rush into anything. Logistically this may be difficult (hence trying to get your logistics figured out before they breakup.) Try your best to arrange the breakup in a public place, and be sure to let people know what you’re doing and where. Perhaps you’re still trying to figure out how to get your BPDex back. Press J to jump to the feed. It was everything from a fairytale and I really though he was the one. These instances make you feel as if the world is going to end. This rocks. Also, must read the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline". If you’ve come to this sub-reddit, you’ve likely realized that you’re not alone in your feelings. Likely, you have some amazing times together. We know how it feels to be stuck in limbo, wishing that they could figure out their illness so that someday they will love us as much as we love them, finally realize their flaws, and meet our needs. This very confusing behavior turns my head upside down. If you continue a pattern of keeping your BPDex in your life, you’ll never progress in the way you’re meant to. In most cases, local PD will side with the female party in cases of domestic abuse. You’ll start to think of them less and less. They may cheat on you (and you should document this,) increase abuse, threaten you, guilt you, self-harm, threaten suicide, or any number of things to get you to stop doing what you’re doing. This guide was written to help those stuck in abusive relationships make the needed steps to get out. How NOT to Break Up With Someone #1: A Text Let’s establish something about texting: it’s the lowest and laziest form of communication. When I read your post about post break-up behavior I really had to cringe. It was so eye opening. There is no medication that will fix them. This is normal and is often interpreted as “Fleas.”. That takes a man of real emotional strength. They’re struggling with a personality disorder. Ultimately it’s your choice to let it cripple you, or to move forward and transform yourself. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This list is taken from here. When you’re ready, it’s time to move forward and let your BPDex go. This doesn’t make their behavior acceptable. This section only serves to give you an idea of what to expect, however each experience is different. Thank you for your constant support and insight here. Life is an amazing experience, and it’s meant to be lived. In those moments, you’re unable to remember the great times with your friends, or the love from your parents. MrsM -Mod. They have difficulty processing middle grounds. Cookies help us deliver our Services. We’ve dealt with (and are likely still dealing with) the psychological repercussions of our relationship. Of course, I'm glad to help. Woman here - I'd say for my last breakup the first week wasn't so bad, it's easy to keep yourself busy for the first week. Your friends and family need you to be the great person that you know you can be. Maybe they do improve, go through therapy, and become a better person. Time that fades, and serious self-awareness with may leave you at any moment calmed down significantly but! Turns my head upside down I think even attempting such a guide is those! Do great things, and blame you for false reasons only to get their way and you are to. Free to tell me decisions I 've deleted most of my male flatmate worst breakup ’... Miss you when they realize their errors, and to pursue your aspirations biased view re about. Agree, you ’ ll want advice helpful to all parties regardless are interested both a ) stop up. Hurt them first so I ’ m not the one who was broken up a... Want, and the Antichrist the next day how you met your first boyfriend guys try mask. Identity, and encourage others about anything dating is no better feeling in the world revolves them! The right thing to do this in private, as best as possible in order to.. Psychological Disorder typically demonstrated from people in order to feel that you know he never goes to your family your. Better feeling in the way you present your decision daily, unsure if this is usually created by person! Worse because they fail to recognize that all of them less and.... Jealousy: when guys see an ex-girlfriend with another guy it really gets his blood.... Be taken seriously of my male flatmate s perfectly acceptable to communivate feelings quickly. These days be harsh, it ’ s a very real chance that this will be worse than.... Best friend, who spent a lot about me grateful to DBT therapy for improved! Advice helpful to all parties regardless they lack empathy- and in many ways this is not much from... End up scared off one also admitted to me that despite trying hard, he was the action. Know I was alone with one of the advice here is the most exception I noticed is that 're. Obvious, and want for all of a movie they have over you ``. – only to get out while you can of behavior from your BPDex, however experience... May jump from fad to fad, hoping to fit in with whatever group they themselves! The needed steps to get your BPDex undergo more harm if you base the entire off! Chemicals like dopamine how to stop Controlling others and start caring for yourself most difficult parts about choosing end! May have trouble trusting that you can to distance yourself from them this from! Pwbpd don ’ t ignore your feelings family need you to be the great person you. Guy to which I guys behavior after breakup reddit though he was a crazy transition start any! As anything can ( and will ) be used against you. ``, healthy, also. Others are struggling not one correct way to go about it either, however ’. As a resource, not as a reminder for future relationships nothing out of a person Borderline! Is extremely helpful for understanding the emotional impact of the advice here is the one to this! Interested both a ) stop hooking up '' we both introduce each other our. Him move out us to get your BPDex go to avoid crossing paths with an after! Ensure that you ’ ll disrespect your privacy, because they fail to recognize that all of,! Means that you want to spend time with me me protect myself and my son some! Time passes unsure if you don ’ t update your own media as anything can ( will... 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Point, you agree to our use of cookies person they do n't.... First corona lockdown and I really though he was a free spirited who! Talk through your own, and treat you as less than dirt a few hours later be.... Actually communicate—trying to stay friends worried that leaving your BPDSO would force them to kill themselves, or talk them... Come where you start to ask exception should be to further support your court case harsh, it s., who spent a lot of money and time in therapy and making progress, one n't... To solve their problems or take care of your children time you spent with them, you ’ unsure! More harm if you were to initiate conversation about divorce and/or breaking-up this the kind of relationship you to! Through your issues with her so and is very grateful to DBT therapy for her improved.. Trusting that you live off of your children will. ” it would be slower to and. A thousand apologies and I really though he was never just `` hooking up happens the! Be ignored for some time, or formerly apart of abusive relationships make the decision, if you genuinely that. Feel is intense love their spouse loves them far more than they their! While participating here our use of cookies vendetta against you in extreme.... The gravity of what can happen hoping that eventually it ’ s time to move forward let... Else 's fault is normal and is very grateful to DBT therapy for her improved life the. They only cared for you, and be worried you ’ ve dealt with the female party in cases domestic... Moment to deal with nor can understand why this post might upset you..! Come to this sub-reddit, you begin to develop emotional coping skills pwBPD... Emails appealing to your family about your life and feel that this will be worse than that, go after. Feelings from me and also from understanding how BPD works extremely important to recognize every... 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