Say goodbye. Here is part of my response: It is not customary to send flowers to a shiva house. And they may not want to talk at all. What to bring or send. Do not ask about the details of the death. A list of some local and national charities can be found is provided at ShivaConnect. A shiva visit should be no more than an hour. In many instances extended family, friends and general members of the community, including those who belong to the temple, where the decedent was a member, will pay their condolences and show support to the mourners. Even if you don’t know what to say, just sitting with the mourner for a half hour or an hour is worth a lot. If the mourner is not engaging with you, express your condolences and leave after ten minutes. Observing shiva is also known as "sitting shiva," and there are certain customs that should be honored. Though this may seem strange, the idea is that there really isn’t much that one can say to someone experiencing profound loss. Condolence Calls. Food or drinks are not laid out for the visitors, because the mourners are not hosts. Entering The Shiva House. Since all are invited to comfort mourners, the front door of most shiva homes will be left unlocked. "1) Didn't answer the question. Silence makes people uncomfortable, but it’s normal at a shiva house. They do not greet the visitors, rise for them, or see them out. No one needs to greet visitors; they simply enter on their own. HaMakom is said when you leave. Actress Lisa Robins of Jewish Women's Theatre's Blessings of a Broken Heart Mourning in the Jewish faith is a very personal process, as each individual mourns and reflects differently. In general, she was wondering what to bring to a shiva house. The best thing to bring, in my opinion, is yourself. There is a tradition not to greet people at a shiva house, and in fact not to speak at all until one of the mourners has first spoken to you. What do I say when going to a shiva-house to console a mourner? If you are a couple, it is important that you both make a shiva call. Do not send flowers. Do not stay too long. If a service is held, come a few minutes before and stay a few after. Jewish tradition holds that visiting the house of mourning is a mitzvah during the shiva period. Mourners uniformly report how exhausted they are by the shiva experience; do not overstay your welcome. Try to avoid making group shiva calls out of respect for the family and the deceased. Short visits are meaningful too. Each shiva call is intended to be a one-on-one call between a mourner and a family member or friend. Attending a funeral or making a shiva call does not replace attending a shiva in person. Traditionally, one enters the shiva house quietly with a small knock so as not to startle those inside. Stay away from conversation of how the person died, especially if you were there when he or she died. The front door will usually be left unlocked so that guests may enter and exit quietly on their own. 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