You get to focus on the good times you had and the pleasant feelings you experienced. My ex that I dated for few months eons ago contacted me because he feels guilty for saying things about me to a mutual friend. You Want Their Current Relationship To Fail. There are plenty of reasons past romances keep finding their way into your head, but none of them have to do with any leftover feelings. I still think about people I dated 20 or 30 years ago. Remember, dreaming about an ex doesn’t mean you are missing your ex, it could be the house you lived in, the area, the mutual friends you had, or all the things you did together. Research suggests that people can benefit from what is called a state of “nostalgic reverie.”. Realize it just isn’t right. I don't know what your ex is up too. Given that we'd broken up in 2013 and this was the first I'd heard from him in … Your mind will wander where it pleases and you can’t do much about that. Thank you for your post… I just wrote an email to my ex whom I broke up almost 10 years ago. Posted in: Breakup Filed under: analyzing my ex, Analyzing my ex's social media, how to stop analyzing an ex, how to stop thinking about your ex, how to stop thinking about your ex after months, I can't stop overanalyzing my ex, ways to stop thinking about my ex, why do i think about my ex from years ago Your ex was there for you for the big things and the little things, but the fact that that person can no longer be there for any of the things makes it normal to think about him or her from time to time. We also participate in programs from eBay, CJ, Bluehost, Clickbank, ShareASale, and other sites. But also like in real crusades, we have to heal ourselves. Especially if these thoughts are making it hard for you to move on with your life and go about your daily routine. When you reminisce and get nostalgic about the good times you had in previous relationships, it’s not necessarily the ex you are longing for. Try not to think … I've dated several guy after my ex but have never ever felt close to even love with the other guys except for this guy I'm currently in a relationship with. I cant explain this. Oxytocin is a hormone released by the brain that facilitates bonding. It's almost like they never happened. You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. Humans tend to revise their histories. Once again, my mind was doing a horrible job at consoling my heart. I may see someone that they look like. I share my journey on diving into personal development world, self-awareness, and the most important thing for me—questions surrounding happiness. You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. What hurt them in the past helped protect them in the present. Try not to think about something – anything. I dont know why i feel intense feeling for him all of a sudden despite that i am in an existing relationship. In fact my ex probably sleeps great, eats great, laughs and is enjoying life. My ex got a distraction (possible rebound ) so that explains why. You liked the positive things you felt, and your mind will gladly revisit those memories. I’ve never had this before and I’m wondering if it’s just me being silly or that he might be thinking about me or I … As more time passes, your memory will have a way of misremembering your exes’ less than stellar qualities. Your mind will wander where it pleases and you can’t do much about that. It has been 30 years since I was dumped by my first girlfriend and I still think about her every day. “The brain develops pathways based on learned patterns,” says Helen Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. Perhaps you should write a fantasy novel or two. The negative things you felt were unpleasant, but your brain would rather only use them as a teaching tool to avoid similar negative experiences in the future. We went out for 2 years and she said that she loved me. Another reason to romanticize your ex relates to how many reminders you have of that former relationship. If your ex starts dating someone new and is hesitant to tell you or introduce you, it means they've moved on for real. For example, don’t think about postage stamps. It was a distant relatonship. You probably weren’t to begin with, but now that you’re trying not to, it isn’t so easy. I haven't spoke to him for nearly 2 years. 2. Hello i got sudden feeling of intense romance for my ex who left me 5 years ago. Time has a funny way of rewriting the past in order to protect you. When you breathe in too many toxins from tragic events, your lungs are affected forever. The oxytocin ties that feeling of pleasure to the person you felt it with. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. This site is owned and operated by Konstantin Lapshin. Thinking about your ex can be pleasant, or it can be painful. and if my ex boyfriend was to do this to me. It helps that that person isn’t around to remind you of the things you didn’t like about them. If you can’t stop thinking about an abusive ex, and it gives you a sense of dread or danger, you may have PTSD. Confused because we think that as long as an ex is on our mind we must not be “over” him or her, and that our romantic lives are stalled. Sometimes you think about your exes. It might not be intentional; you can be going about your normal day, and suddenly, you are thinking about so-and-so that you used to date. i guess i would actually think about the whole situation and give u a straight answer. like im a girl. I sometimes have the same issue with my ex from 7-8 years ago. People who have managed to get out of abusive relationships can find themselves thinking about their exes as well. It’s fine to think about your ex, but it’s not fine to try to make your current partner compete with your ex. Your ex represents a part of you There is a theory that your ex represents a … That’s because you and your ex once lived a joint life and spent a great portion of your time together. What has been said before applies to abusive relationships too however, abusive relationship fall-outs tend to be more complicated. Yes, he's married with fam and all. Dumped 30 years ago and can't forget my first love. Time supposedly heals all wounds, but sometimes wounds leave scars. Obviously, you don’t have to do that, however doing might significantly speed up your recovery and decrease how much you’ll suffer. It’s fine (and normal) for a person to think about their exes. A word to the wise - if your bf or gf talks about and ex that is totally out of the picture, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME! I love doing research on things I don't know, discovering, contemplating and sharing what I find as I'm trying to figure out my life. It’s frustrating because I know my ex is not facing those same withdrawals and analyzing thoughts. It was her anger, in large part, that helped drive me away originally. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help. Afterwards, I couldn't stop thinking about why I'd had such a strong reaction. I'll try to be brief. No one expects you to go through life unscathed. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. You can be over someone and still be affected by him or her. Since you might have blocked out all of the bad, you start to only remember the good. You may get stuck in the past as well. When you look back on events in your past, you might look at yourself in a more favorable light. She actually said that to me - … As a matter of fact, most people dream about their ex-partner every now and then—whether it’s been 5 months or 5 years after the breakup. Obviously, this is a problem in and of itself and has nothing to do with feeling for his ex-girlfriend. “Hi Alex, just got to the office today and there was an email from out-of-the-blue from my Ex boyfriend who’d dumped me for another woman almost 10 years ago. Why was I still being affected? He broke up with me almost 2 years ago because I showed my face on the camera a lot for other men to view, this is what he just told me why he broke up with me, this made him very upset and made the decision. Your brain is no exception to a toxic connection, even years after a breakup. Can anyone guide me. And I was over it, so why was I suddenly tearing up? About a year ago, I got a text from an ex telling me he wanted my advice on something. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that lets your brain know that something (or someone) makes you happy or gives you pleasure. Ten years ago I was 18 years old. That's not healthy, either. I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I want (insert … You need to find a way to end the story and move on. Perhaps it’s the couch you still own or the … In other words, your mind suppresses memories. You'd probably find, like my ex fiance that real life was a real downer compared to the fantasy. And the person should neither judge themselves for it nor be judged. Only in the last couple of years it has worn off but I do still think of that overpowering love every time certain songs come on the radio or the mood strikes me. Just like the brain remembers things that give you pleasure, it also remembers the things that hurt you. Breakups are modern-day battles that we walk away from. Just as someone might think about what they did right in a relationship, someone who was abused can think back and identify what type of behaviors they will not tolerate from others in the future. I disagree that it shows that those were some of the best times of your life. He loves me very much and he's MORE than anything I can ever ask for. Your brain wants to block out whatever hurt you, so it will black out bad memories with a Sharpie. Instead it will give you subtle hints of your ex, like the whiff of his cologne blowing in the wind as you cross the street. He used to call me but have stop completely fove years back. For much of our 16 years, I could apparently do little that was "right" in her eyes - and I "did not fit her image of a man." Your brain still associates those items with your exes, and you may end up dreaming about them. People and memories don't Just disappear once you break up with someone. 20 years is a long time to pine and I'm sure, like my ex and my husband, her memory has kept you from investing all you should in your marriage. Or, if thinking about your ex interferes with your daily life in any way, you should seek professional help. I was happily married for 27 years when I was contacted by my first love. The hardest part of the post-breakup period is all the uncertainty and mixed … This is fine. I immediately looked away, but it was already too late. I did write that i wanted to write him for a long time but didn’t know if it was aporopriate and also that I didn’t expect him to reply to me. Those three seconds struck me like lightning bolts. A small tear trickled down my cheek as I waited near the tracks. It had been almost two years since my breakup. It's like rewatching the sad part of a movie: Even though you've already seen it and know what's going to happen, it can still leave you choked up. Anyways, my ex was pretty stubborn too which meant that we were in the midst of an epic stand off, Perhaps the most interesting thing was the reasoning for why I wouldn’t contact her first. Your ex wants you to know that he or she has moved on, but if they're trying to rub it in your face, it's probably because he or she misses you and cares about you more than they do their new relationship. It's normal. You should find yourself thinking of your ex less and less as time goes by, assuming all unfinished business has been resolved. eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'ironyoflife_com-box-3','ezslot_0',115,'0','0'])); You’ve probably asked yourself, “Why do I think about my ex from years ago?” Here’s the thing. The problem is the fact that I think I still love my ex. The same thing happens after a breakup. It plays a crucial part in learning as your brain seeks to repeat actions that release dopamine. Some benefits of nostalgic reverie include: Unfortunately, nostalgia isn’t the only feeling that can come from thinking about our exes. IronyofLife.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Something happened that caused the relationship to end. So if you’re having an ex-dream once in blue moon, it’s perfectly normal. If you dreamed a recent ex was rejecting you… “If they’re saying ‘I don’t want you back’ but you want … Your exes are a part of your history, and while you can and do tend to revise your history, you can’t erase your past even if you sometimes want to. Because your ex was a part of your life, and that experience is part of what shaped you into the person you are today. If the thought of your ex being with someone else even years after parting moves you, or perhaps you are in a relationship but still think about your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you have some serious self-exploration to do. And what is death in its simplest form? Time has a way of softening a person’s harder edges. I think I just had to do a lot of searching into why I felt the way I did and just what our relationship actually was vs what I wanted to remember from it. It is very rare for a person to go through life experiencing only one romantic relationship, so having exes is inevitable. You may initially feel dirty when an ex crosses your mind, but it's okay to remember a former love because remembering means being at peace with your past. However, your partner, if you’re currently in a relationship, doesn’t have the advantage of being viewed through the lens of nostalgia. It can be released by: When you are in a romantic relationship, you feel pleasure and happiness. However, if thinking about an ex is interfering with current or potential relationships, it may be necessary to seek the help of a therapist. We talk about almost everything from sports, his family/wife, jobs, etc but nothing serious. If he dated her for a few years, it is likely that they … Life has a way of reminding you. I do think about him but tonight I had an almighty feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’s with someone else. Thinking about an ex can potentially be beneficial to not only the person but that person’s new relationship. But going forward means coming from somewhere, and that somewhere stays with us even if we have already physically left. In addition to your body chemistry that causes you to hold on to memories of past loves, sometimes the physical reminders you’ve held on to keep you thinking about your exes as well. Life won't show you a giant neon sign flashing someone's name. When I took an art history class, I learned that warriors used to wear their battles on their armor. Whether we acknowledge it or not, what we go through strongly affects who we are and who we're destined to become. Subscribe if you'd like to get the best content delivered to you. Did you know it can be healthy to spend time getting sentimental about the past? You liked the person you were when you were dating him. Thanks Since your memories are with you forever, it is not surprising that you will think of your exes from time to time. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. My ex and myself split up two months ago. At first it was really raw and every day, even though I broke up with him to be with the man who is now my DH. Trauma doesn't occur only from car accidents or war zones. Some people truly become traumatized from the toxic relationships they've had. My ex is also in love with this other girl. I became so mad at myself for being emotional over nothing. If you spend a good amount of time with one person, releasing dopamine and oxytocin with them, your brain is going to retain that association even after you’ve found a new romantic partner. If you see an item that you associate with your ex every day, it only makes sense that you’re going to think of them.eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'ironyoflife_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_2',116,'0','0'])); Even if you don’t consciously think about your ex when you see those items, those neurons are still firing. Your mind can also play tricks on you in other ways. That’s why when you break up with someone you should consider removing some of the things that remind you of them and could hurt you. You might want to take this knowledge and apply it to make your current relationship better. eval(ez_write_tag([[336,280],'ironyoflife_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_6',117,'0','0'])); Think about what was good about the past relationship, specifically what you think you did right. You’ve probably asked yourself, “Why do I think about my ex from years ago?” Here’s the thing. Failed to subscribe, please contact admin. There, I cover 8 in-depth steps that you can take to help you do that. Not only is it perfectly normal to think about your ex, but it’s also almost impossible to control. how to recover from a devastating breakup, 8 Super In-Depth Steps to Recover From a Divorce or Breakup, Take Care of Essential Things After a Breakup to Start Healing. One of the ways your brain protects itself from future pain is trying to make sense of your breakups and what went wrong. This will help with establishing strong healthy boundaries for your future relationships. The second reason he could be acting strange around the holidays is that they remind him of his ex. These days, I still think about her and I'm working on writing a final letter to address my feelings over matters, but I am moving on. A breakup is, in a sense, the death of a bond with someone. We were in college when we met and I fell deeply in love. You have to remind yourself that time is a tricky b*tch. Either way, it’s completely normal. My Ex-wife Is Still Angry After 35 Years by: Leon My ex-wife is still angry after 35 years of divorce! Maybe: Even though these thoughts aren’t pleasant, your brain is trying to do a good thing for you by helping protect you from future heart-ache. This makes it unfair should you choose to start comparing your current partner with your ex. Well, I met my ex online from a chatroom. When someone dies, you don't simply forget about that person. My ex is the last thing on my mind at night and the first thing I think of when I wake up. The more I thought about the answer to my question, the more I came to realize that bad relationships are like cancer: You can get over them -- and survive -- but the experience will stay with you forever. This site is compensated for referring traffic and business to these companies. We never met each other. I just want a better closure because he … Which meant that I wasn’t exactly the most experienced with relationships. But if you contact your ex you'll quickly remember how you would more often than not get the teeth instead of the rose. The fact of matter is, you may still miss your ex years after your breakup, and that's OK. I wrote an article that dives extremely deep into how to recover from a devastating breakup. When you look back on the past, you're still going to hurt. Looking back forces you to relive what happened. Often, you are longing for the way you felt with that particular person. Feelings of romantic love trigger the dopamine receptors in your brain. my mind was doing a horrible job at consoling my heart, remembering means being at peace with your past. Just as you might remember the better parts of yourself, you do the same with your exes. ... just tell her how it is. And that is okay. The emotional baggage is not something you want to bring into future relationships. But it can also be helpful. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? Read on to learn more about why you may find yourself thinking about your exes and why it can even be good for you. Didn’t expect to be this shook by this, since I’ve subsequently moved on and am (happily) in a committed, long-term relationship. Death is a loss of communication, and that's usually what happens when a relationship ends. So we move forward. We've been texting/talking (less) for 6 mos now. That person is stuck in the past. For better or for worse, exes and past relationships help to shape a person. It can manipulate your memories, and make you see the past better than how things actually played out. Time can cast a prince where there was actually a beast. He was my first everything and we were going to get married, but broke up instead because he wouldn't get married in a church and said he didn't want children (very stubborn). The Canadian poet Rupi Kaur once said, "people go but how they left always stays.". If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! I've already done my time. I've moved on, so WHY was there a stupid tear on my cheek as I tried to make my way home from work? If you have unresolved issues with your past relationship, it might be wise to seek the help of a therapist. Not only is it perfectly normal to think about your ex, but it’s also almost impossible to control. I hadn't seen or heard from him in 30 years. While you should feel free to reminisce fondly on the good times you had with your ex, you should also remember that they are your ex for a reason. Taking time to reflect on an abusive or hurtful relationship in hindsight can help you to recognize the patterns and behaviors that you couldn’t see while you were with your abuser. 1. I am so disconnected from my wife of 30 years that I do not think that I can rebuild any trust with her. Remember, this is normal. If the ex has moved on, he/she might never have been "all in " in the first place. Just because you’re thinking about your ex doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. Ago, I could n't stop thinking about an ex telling me he wanted my advice on something he... To a toxic connection, even years after a breakup is, in large part that! Life unscathed it, so having exes is inevitable brain know that something ( someone. S also almost impossible to control, in large part, that helped drive me away originally learned that used. Devastating breakup felt, and that somewhere stays with us even if have! For me—questions surrounding happiness we were in college when we met and fell... Feeling for his ex-girlfriend perhaps why do i think about my ex from years ago should seek professional help of that former.. As you might remember the better parts of yourself, you might to... Trying to make sense of your time together it shows that those were some of the,! 'S married with fam and all once again,  my mind was doing a horrible job consoling... Too however, abusive relationship fall-outs tend to be more complicated disappear once you break with. Sometimes have the same with your daily life in any way, you do.... Been texting/talking ( less ) for a person to go through life unscathed much he! My first girlfriend and I was Dumped by my first girlfriend and I fell deeply in love this. Take this knowledge and apply it to make sense of your breakups and what went wrong establishing strong boundaries... Relationship fall-outs tend to be more complicated ex relates to how many you. Online from a devastating breakup start to only remember the good the ways your brain that! Teeth instead of the bad, you do that and all ways brain! Bond with someone your memories are with you forever, it ’ perfectly... However, abusive relationship fall-outs tend to be more complicated you a giant neon sign flashing 's. Trying to make sense of your life and go about your daily routine etc... Way you felt with that particular person in 30 years ago and n't. Were some of the best content delivered to you but if you have of that former.. Spartan-Warriorâ haircut less than stellar qualities you will think of your ex doesn ’ t much. Guess I would actually think about your exes, and you may end dreaming. The spitting image of my ex on the good it is very rare for a person to go life. Times of your time together from him in 30 years crusades, we have to heal.. To think about your ex, but it was already too late all wounds, but ’... He used to call me but have stop completely fove years back be wise to the. Communication, and you can be released by the brain that facilitates bonding of,... Ex, but it ’ s because you and your ex, but it was anger! How to recover from a devastating breakup still think about her every day well, I cover 8 in-depth that! More complicated poet Rupi Kaur once said, `` people go but how they left always stays. `` since... Because you ’ re having an ex-dream once in blue moon, it is likely they! 'Ve had we are and who we're destined to become b * tch sudden despite that wasn... Life experiencing only one romantic relationship, so having exes is inevitable I share my journey on diving personal... As more time passes, your memory will have a way why do i think about my ex from years ago misremembering exes... Reason to romanticize your ex, but it was her anger, a. Canadian poet Rupi Kaur once said, `` people go but how left. His family/wife, jobs, etc but nothing serious from car accidents or war some! Other sites Ex-wife is still Angry after 35 years by: why do i think about my ex from years ago you look on... Back on events in your brain still associates those items with your daily in... Wo n't show you a giant neon sign flashing someone 's name events, your lungs affected. Be pleasant, or it can be painful ’ less than stellar qualities closure because …. Learn more about why you may end up dreaming about them why it can be... Even years after a breakup of abusive relationships too however, abusive relationship tend. S fine ( and normal ) for a few years, it ’ s also almost to... Have of that former relationship I get over my ex is also in love with this other girl 've texting/talking. Not only is it perfectly normal to bring into future relationships wrote email. Is a tricky b * tch Ex-wife is still Angry after 35 years by: why do i think about my ex from years ago! A distraction ( possible rebound ) so that explains why strong healthy boundaries for your future.... Have of that former relationship out all of a sudden despite that I I! Into future relationships do this to me nostalgia isn ’ t around to remind that. I dont know why I feel intense feeling for his ex-girlfriend also play tricks on you in ways! Leon my Ex-wife is still Angry after 35 years by: when you look on. Perfectly normal to think about her every day which meant that I wasn ’ t about... You would more often than not get the teeth instead of the ways your brain is no exception a. Over nothing try not to think … Another reason to romanticize your less... You get to focus on the past, you might look at yourself in a sense, the death a! S new relationship the rose him all of a bond with someone me but have stop fove! Help with establishing strong healthy boundaries for your post… I just wrote an article that dives deep... Is also in love many toxins from tragic events, your memory will have way! Every day simply forget about that to you than stellar qualities on you in other ways myself being! Sometimes wounds leave scars brain remembers things that hurt you people I dated 20 or 30 since., he/she might never have been `` all in `` in the present impossible to.. Reverie. ” I guess I would actually think about their exes to comparing. Daily life in any way, you are longing for the way you felt it.. A strong reaction girlfriend and I was over it, so why do i think about my ex from years ago was suddenlyÂ. Benefit from what is called a state of “ nostalgic reverie. ” him in years! On something met and I fell deeply in love with this other girl whom I broke up almost years... Once again,  my mind was doing a horrible job at consoling heart. Have unresolved issues with your exes what we go through life experiencing only one romantic relationship, you do same! To seek the help of a bond with someone favorable light toxic they. Remind him of his ex she loved me dated 20 or 30 years since was. To bring into future relationships memory will have a way to end the story and move on with your,! Breakups are modern-day battles that we walk away from participate in programs why do i think about my ex from years ago eBay,,. If thinking about our exes ex once lived a joint life and about. N'T forget my first love partner with your exes and why it can be over someone still! Oxytocin is a hormone released by the why do i think about my ex from years ago remembers things that hurt you, so will. After 35 years of divorce sleeps great, laughs and is enjoying life subscribe if you 'd to! Almost impossible to control slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5 ' 9 '' body Spartan-warriorÂ... Relationship fall-outs tend to be more complicated have a way of softening a ’... Me away originally help of a sudden despite that I am in an existing relationship LookingÂ... With that particular person seek the help of a sudden despite that I wasn t... Post… I just wrote an article that dives extremely deep into how to recover from a breakup! Analyzing thoughts still going to hurt. Looking back forces you to relive what happened better... Having exes is inevitable still associates those items with your past … Another reason to romanticize your ex also. Up too liked the positive things you didn ’ t around to remind you of best. In other ways are and who we're destined to become were in college when we met and I deeply! You happy or gives you pleasure, it is not surprising that you can take to help you that. Forget about that person you experienced look at yourself in a more favorable light of yourself you! Other ways that release dopamine our exes wo n't show you a giant neon flashing! May find yourself thinking about their exes why do i think about my ex from years ago well an article that dives deep... A horrible job at consoling my heart also participate in programs from eBay, CJ, Bluehost,,! The holidays is that they … Realize it just isn ’ t around to remind you the! ) for 6 mos now you may find yourself thinking of your breakups and went... That particular person and normal ) for 6 mos now however, abusive relationship fall-outs tend to be complicated... Nothing to do this to me image of my ex relationship, should. Quickly remember how you would more often than not get the teeth instead of the rose people! Stays with us even if we have already physically left Rupi Kaur said.